Many parents ask me: "what can I do to inspire my child to be
a good person?" Many kids ask me: "will I
be like my parents?" When I was younger, I always
thought I would never do all of the annoying things my parents did--set
an unreasonably early curfew, force family time and have to eat prunes
after long airplane flights. But, of course, I thought that I
would do all of the great things my parents, as adults, could
do - make homemade blueberry bran muffins, go river rafting for
family vacations and drink sweet wine after dinner.
Now that I am 22, I have come to realize that, unfortunately, you
cannot choose the traits you pick up. This realization has
come to me slowly. Occasionally, I laugh and realize I snort
exactly like my mom, after a long flight to Australia, I had to buy
prunes and my boyfriend loves my blueberry bran muffins on Sunday
mornings. These seem to be small things, habits that you pick
up from parents, but how about the way you live, how you treat others
and your perspective on life? What do kids pick up from their
surroundings and what is uniquely theirs?
I believe kids are greatly influenced by parents, mentors and older
family members and as they grow up they take the ideals seen in their
mentors and make them their own. To illustrate this point I
wanted to write briefly about who inspired me when I was a child and
teen and how it has translated into my life today.
I have been influenced tremendously by my many parents. I
grew up with four because my biological parents divorced and remarried
before I turned 5. My mom, a powerful and attractive lawyer,
taught me to grasp my girly-ness, while still conquering the
office. She taught me that you can learn from anyone if you
are polite enough to listen and ask the right questions.
My dad showed me that humor is the ultimate skill, how to love public
speaking and the need to bargain hunt. My step-mom taught me to love
cooking; to ignore gossipy girls and how doing arts and crafts can be
the ultimate mental break. My step-dad taught me the importance of
telling a good story, fine dining and how great it is to travel.
My other mentor who inspired and taught me many life lessons was my
Pilates teacher. I started doing Pilates at a very young age
and was taught by the most beautiful, elegant and healthy woman I know.
She inspired me to take care of my health, my body and my skin. I am
sure that my obsession with fresh, organic cooking and need to workout
everyday is due to her simple and inspiring example.
The weird thing is, I rejected many of these lessons as a teenager and
child. When I was younger I often thought: organic food - eew,
working out for my heart - ha!, talking to boring
people - I'd rather be watching TV, public
speaking - no way arts and crafts - turned into Martha
Stewart. From the age of 13 to 18 my parents and Pilates
teacher thought I would grow up to be their opposite, and frankly, so
did I.
Then I went to college, I was faced with an empty shopping cart, a
grocery store full of food and a monthly grocery stipend from my
parents. Then, it happened, I heard myself asking the veggie
guy: "Where are the organic bell
peppers?" I had to choose a PE class and I signed
up for, you guessed it, Pilates. More and more I found myself
approaching life with the optimistic outlook of my dad, which I had
once shunned for the more 'emo' angsty teenage
attitude.
All those lessons, examples and talks my parents had... they
kind of worked. I also realized that many of the topics I
enjoy talking about over the dinner table with my friends now, are the
same topics my parents talk about! I asked my friends about
this and they all realized that they too, usually discuss the same
things their parents did. My parents never talked about
politics, neither do I, my mom loved listing off nutrition facts, and
now, much to my boyfriend's dismay, I have picked up that
annoying habit as well.
I think this is an important point for all parents. Your kids
are like sponges, if you are fighting at dinner, complaining about your
day, your kids will learn to do it too. Think about what your
passions are, your interests and what motivates you to keep
going. Talk about these aspects of life with your
kids. If you leave conversation to simple goings-on of the
day, your children will not learn to talk about emotions and inner
feelings. If you want your child to be well versed in
literature, politics or art, be sure that you are also knowledgeable
and talk about it at dinner, in the car and at home.
Even though your child might be pulling away and rejecting your habits
and values now, be persistent, show them you love them and give them a
few years...they will come around.
About Vanessa
Vanessa is the Creator of RRules.com - an Editing Parenting Guide and
Teen Encyclopedia. Her mission is to improve parent and teen
relationships and their individual lifestyles. Read her Profile or
visit her Blog Page - Vanessa Van Petten
