In order to feel good about themselves, most compare
themselves
to others, compete and try to win in all areas of their life.
They do not realize, however, that this often can be an
expression of aggression towards others, and ultimately also
towards themselves.
When we want to be better than others, we are also driven to
make sure they remain beneath us. We do what we can to keep them
in their place,and look for their failings and weaknesses. We
may also take pleasure in their hardships and losses. When
famous people fall from their pedestal and suffer, many feel
relief that they are not so much better after all.
How We Compare Ourselves To Others
Some are not able to relate at all to others who they feel are
"better than them.They fill their worlds with those who they
feel are inferior, (and treat them that way, to keep them in
their place.) Some are drawn to those who they think are better
than them, and spend a lot of time trying to tear the person
down. Others become members of sports team and take great relish
in beating the others, proving that they are "best".
Living this way, one becomes unable to see the beauty and gifts
which each person has and which they could otherwise share with
you. This keeps you on edge, looking for ways you can maintain
your superiority. Relationships become power struggles. There is
little fulfillment, or true sense of self worth.
Pride Vs. Self Worth
Pride creates a grandiose, false sense of self and causes the
person to close themselves off to many situations,
possibilities, insights and relationships. Pride also causes
them to be out of touch with true self worth, who they truly
are, what really brings happiness.
A true sense of self worth, on the other hand, provides
enjoyment when dealing with all kinds of individuals. With true
self worth you do not need to compare yourself to others, tear
them apart or feel superior. Instead, you are able to value who
they are and share you both of your gifts. As Emerson wisely
said, a rose in the garden does not compare itself with another.
It just blooms as it is intended to.
Exercise
Step 1: Recognizing The Many Faces Of Pride - Make a list of those
you feel better than. Who are they? Why are you better than
them? A)Make a list of those you feel are better than you. Who
are they? How does this make you feel? How do you behave with
them? This exercise will surprise you. Be honest with yourself.
You may also be astonished to see how many people you've written
out of your life.
Step 2: Stop Comparing
A) Pick someone on your list that you feel better than. Write
down all their positive qualities. Now, stop comparing yourself
to this person. Let them be who they are. Let you be who you
are, as well. Enjoy the differences between you. B) Do the same
with someone you think is better than you. Can you allow both of
you to have positive qualities though they may be different? Can
you stop comparing in this case as well?
Step 3: A New Meeting
A) Contact the person you feel better than and go out with them
to lunch. Make the meeting all about them. Don't talk much.
Really find out about them. Give them a chance to be the star.
Do the same with someone who feels they are better than you.
You'll be amazed to discover how much others crave being heard
and known, how shaky they are about who they are. As you do this
you'll see that you don't have to tear others down to feel good
about yourself.
Step 4: Each One Is The Best One
As soon as you notice yourself feeling better than another, let
it go and let them be the star. Realize that both of you can be
wonderful. As soon as you notice that you feel someone else is
better than you, do the same. Look for their good qualities and
yours as well. Find out more about them. Talk to them about
themselves and really listen. Let the true person they are
emerge. Don't buy into a fantasy. It won't do you any good.
Copyright (c) 2008
About the Author:
Learn to resolve conflict easily and build supportive
relationships in award winning The Anger Diet, (30 Days to
Stress Free Living)
The Anger Diet
Top psychologist, Founder of Everyone Wins Mediation, has
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